Sup Wisconsin?: What would Frank Gallagher do, set a blind person on fire or just himself?

Hey everyone.  As most of you know, Tap Down Sports is a home grown, cheese lovin’, beer drinking’Wisconsin through and through blog and brand.  It was started in a living room in northwest Wisconsin and spread all around the state from Eau Claire to La Crosse to Oshkosh to Green Bay and will hopefully be a household name throughout the Badger state.  In order to celebrate our heritage and update everyone on the happenings of our state, I’m starting a new blog series called “Sup Wisconsin?” where I write about things that are taking place everyday.  Here’s the first installment, and I hope you like it.

Source: Tony Galli of WKOW.com:

MADISON (WKOW) – A Madison man is charged with a felony crime after authorities say he wielded an open, gasoline can and threatened to set on fire a blind woman.  43-year old Lewis Gallagher appeared in Dane County Court Tuesday on the charge of second degree recklessly endangering safety, as a domestic abuse crime.  Authorities say the blind victim called 911 Nov. 2. They say arriving officers found Gallagher with the gas can and matches at the west side Madison residence he shared with the woman, and say Gallagher set himself on fire. Court records show Officer Joshua Acker used a fire extinguisher to put out flames around Gallagher.  A criminal complaint states the blind victim told investigators Gallagher told her “…he was going to ‘light me on fire.’ ” Records state she “…could immediately smell gasoline,” after the threat was made, and Gallagher told detectives he had the gas can inside their home.

There is without a single doubt it my mind that Lewis Gallagher is Shameless’ Frank Gallagher’s long lost brother who made the trip up from Chicago sometime during his life to raise hell, go on yearlong mega-benders, and fuck over everyone who gets in his way.  Based on the cold hard facts of this story, including this being Frank’s brother, I’m guessing this is what went down throughout this situation.  The blind ma’am is Lewis Gallagher’s Shelia, but instead of being severely paranoid, she’s blind and can’t see Lewis for the piece of shit guy he is right down to the genes that made him.  I’m guessing she finally realized who the man she was living with really was and tried kicking him out of the house for good.  Knowing the Gallagher blood line, Lewis was doing everything imaginable to keep his room and have a warm place to sleep at night after he dragged himself home from the bar in an alcohol induced coma, so he wasn’t giving up without a fight.  However, also knowing the Gallagher ways, he picked the worst choice he could in threatening this blind woman after his sly, charming words didn’t do the trick.

Come the fuck on Lewis.  She can’t see a gun; she can’t see a knife; and she can’t even see you for goodness sake, but she could sniff out that can of gasoline you were about to dump on her as soon as the idea came to your head.  She was already dialing 911 when he started making threats about giving her a shower of gasoline and drying her off with a swift light of a match.  He quickly abandoned that first idea, went back to his Gallagher roots, and had a new plan in a matter of minutes.  Nothing screams disability checks like third degree burns to every inch of the body.  So naturally he lit himself up and waited for the cops to show up.  Due to the earlier phone call and the unbelievable response times of Madison police and emergency vehicles, if you need proof of their speed just ask anyone who lived on the roadside of either Witte or Sellery dorms at UW-Madison, the first responders were able to foil Lewis’ plan by extinguishing him before he qualified for the checks.  Options 1 and 2 were expired for Lewis, so he had to do the last rational thing any Gallagher would do and lie to the police by saying the gasoline can’s in the house while they put out the flames that engulfed him.  If the cops aren’t there to help you, just lie through your teeth about everything that happened and hope for the best.

Don’t worry, Lewis was released on bail, probably already hit a few bars, and I’m sure is making his way back home to Chicago before the police can find him.

CN_1IB3VAAAxXQU

Advertisements

Drink of the Weekend: I’m Bringing it Back

I like to think Tap Down Sports is a place people of all different backgrounds can come together to smile, laugh, and be entertained through the TDS crew’s opinions and stories about the world and sports, whether that’s from our comedy or just that they find the unique way we live life particularly funny.  Regardless, I know I enjoy how we do things here, and I always want and love to see endless content from the boys as well as feedback from, the one and only, fans of the brand.  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for anyone that’s had a laugh reading a Tap Down Sports blog or listening to the guys out in TDS OshVegas crack jokes about their crazy ass lives on their podcast.  Also, I would do anything for any of the guys that work here no matter what they need, even though I haven’t met half of them while others are my best friends to this day, because they’re all still my dudes.  Now that I’ve opened up my heart and put all my feelings about what Tap Down Sports and the guys mean to me out on the table… I’m 100%, absolutely, with out a single doubt still going to cuck O’Kane and give you a helluva “Drink of the Weekend” article.

If you’re a Tap Down Sports original day one, you would know that we used to be known as Balls, Sacks, & Hard Wood back in our early days.  O’Kane, our head man out at TDS OshVegas and one of the original fearsome fivesome, used to drop drink of the weekend articles every Friday for the alcoholic college students that make up 99% of our audience.  Articles about Four Lokos and Fireball filled the phone and computer screens of many every Friday afternoon as well as filled their innocent brains with ideas about what they were going to put into their bodies later that night.  Needless to say, the blogs caused many blackouts and they we’re a huge hit, but unfortunely we’re lost in the paperwork of the transition from BSHW to TDS.  BUT NOW THEIR BACK BABY, IN ALL THEIR GLORY.  Not sure how O’Kane’s going to feel about this or the faithful that are used to how he wrote them, but now that I’m 21 and can legally explain alcoholic beverages, I’m going in balls deep, full send and giving it my best shot.

Drink of the Week: Peppermint Schnapps

“Whoaaaaa, hold your horses there Connor.  Starting out with a pretty hot take on your first go around huh?”

Yes, I realize that peppermint schnapps isn’t the most conventional weekend drink, but in fact, October 31st just passed and today, November 3rd is the first Friday of…drum roll please…HOLIDAY SZN.

The temperature’s dropping, the leaves are falling, the cool winds are smacking you in the face, the football season is full go, and within the next few days, the first beautiful layer of pure white snow will be covering the earth.  It’s Holiday Season, without a doubt, and peppermint schnapps is the taste of Holiday Season.

Where do I get it?

Surprisingly, pretty much every liquor store carries a few kinds of peppermint schnapps year round?  How do I know this?  The only liquor my Dad drinks is the occasional shot of peppermint schnapps, so when it comes time for a special occasion, no matter what time of the year, he’ll go get a bottle of peppermint schnapps for his one shot.

The easiest and affordable brand to buy with also the festive color scheme bottle is Dr. McGillicuddy’s.  It’s at pretty much any liquor store near you.IMG_2534

How should I drink it?

1. Mixed with Hot Cocoa (By far the best way).  Bonus: use a candy cane stir rod too.

2. As a chilled shot.  It’s an easy to put down drink with a fine flavor of peppermint.

3. However you want!

Of course do your regular drinking thing of pounding vodka, rum, beers or whatever fits your fancy, but before you take that long, cold walk to the bars or to the nearest house party, maybe have a nice hot cocoa with a shot or two of peppermint schnapps to warm you up before the night begins.

Have a great weekend.

*UPDATE* Naturally, the Camper Guy is Selling Drugs to Minors.

What a world we all live in.  One day you could just be living out of your camper on the side of the street, the next your stealing boxers from 20-year-old college dudes, then all of a sudden you’re the modern day Walter White selling drugs out of a RV to minors.  I honestly cannot get a fucking read on this guy.  I think I have him all figured out with the underwear swiping scenario, then I get home the next day, and he’s got a kid’s bike strewn outside his wide open camper door, while making the most obvious drug deal in the history of the world.  He’s a full blown adrenaline junkie.

The guy one day says “fuck it,” uproots his whole life to instead go rouge by living a nomadic lifestyle via camper through the streets of La Crosse, hoping to feel the excitement of having no idea what’s in store for him that day, but that’s not even close to enough thrill for this maniac.  He needs something more to get back that high of doing something you know you’re not supposed to be doing, like sitting while you pee or eating ice cream for breakfast.  So, he conjures up this elaborate plan to one by one snag pairs of my boxers right out from under my nose.  But the guy gets so damn good at it, I’m down to two pairs before I even have a clue to what’s going on.  Stealing boxers from me while I dream a few feet away is a complete joke to this man nowadays.  He could grab two pairs and take a nap in my bed before I even finished brushing my teeth for the night.  Apparently when stealing boxers just doesn’t get you going anymore, I guess the next logical step is cooking up and selling drugs to kids out of the comfort of your own camper home parked right on the convenience of a street.

Don’t get me wrong here, selling drugs is like stealing candy from a baby to camper dude.  Remember he’s a definite lunatic, so he’s for sure taking his next step to the next step in order to try to get some sort of feeling back into his life.  He sets up this drug deal with a neighborhood kid with the nerve to say, “yeah come over to my street parked camper, throw your bike down in plain view, right in front of the door, and don’t forget to leave that door wide open on your way in.”  Somehow, that’s not even the most crazy part!  I literally live 0.3 miles away from the City of La Crosse Police Department.  There’s not a day that goes by where at least 10 cop cars drive past our house at all times of the day.  Most of the time they park on the street corner on the adjacent side of the house from where camper guy lives.  Yet, this psychopath has the nuts to live his life the way he does: living in his camper, stealing boxers, and selling drugs to neighborhood kids.

IMG_0887

I don’t know what camper guy has planned next.  But I do know there’s something because insane people like him never fucking quit because they don’t know when enough’s enough.  So now we wait for his next move, and I’ll leave you to the waiting with the words of my roommate Zach…

IMG_0888

There’s a Guy Stealing My Boxers: Full Story

I’m a simple man with simple wants and needs. I wake up in the morning, take a shower, and maybe have a bowl of cereal. Then I go to classes, take some tests, and try to learn a few things along the way. After, I come back home; I try to finish my homework from ther day, and grab some dinner from the cafe when I’m finished. Lastly, I usually treat myself to a night football game or maybe some ice cream before I turn in for the night so I can repeat again the next day. I don’t complain; I do my best; and I go through my life. It’s pretty nice. I like it. All I ask is that I can wake up and put a fresh, clean pair of underwear on every morning before I start my day. Pretty simple right?

NOPE! Can’t have that because there’s an elderly guy that lives out of his camper parked on the street, next to my house that sneaks in and swipes all my boxers while I’m asleep! Alright, I’m cooling down. Because believe it or not, the accusations I’m making are pretty problematic, and surprisingly, not just for the guy who’s stealing my drawers. First of all, you can’t just accuse people of stealing your boxers due to the laws of social boundaries. With that statement, I’m basically declaring that I’m insane enough to think that an old guy is running around lifting underwear from college students, but he does live in a camper on the street, or that I’m so self-indulged that I think I’m so special that someone would specifically want my used underwear. Very problematic from my standpoint, and I’m sure you all understand why it’s not a good thing to be accused of stealing people’s undergarments. Not a good look. So naturally, were going to figure this thing out by the books. I’ll give you all the cold, hard facts, then we’ll make some outlandish theories and plans of how he’s doing it and how were going to stop him. Like I said, by the books.

The Facts:

As you can imagine by my simple lifestyle, I wear Hanes, one solid color, men’s regular boxers for the most part with a few American Eagle designed ones thrown into the mix. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I was starting to have to do laundry every 2 or so days because I was running out of clean boxers to put on. I could only find two pairs of my boxers in my room; one plain colored Hanes pair and one plaid American Eagle pair. I checked with my roommates to see if our laundry had been mixed up by accident. Nope. I checked at my girlfriends place to see if I had left a pair there (humble brag). Nope (never mind). I checked my sports locker to see if I had switched them out for a pair of compression shorts. Nope. 7-8 pairs of perfectly good boxers were just gone in the wind without a trace.

Now at about this same time period, maybe a week or so earlier, this camper shows up in our neighborhood. Mind you we live in a neighborhood where there’s already been 3 shootings on our street this school year, yet we still live next door to a college campus. All the neighbors just assume that someone couldn’t find a place to park, and they were just leaving it there for the night until they made some room for it. Wrong again. Within the next few days, the camper is parked directly outside my bedroom window on the street and an old man emerges everyday to hang out under his awning or just sit in his front seat rippin’ darts while reading the paper ever since. The camper occasionally moves around the street a little bit depending on the parking, but this guy primarily lives in his camper with a perfect view into my bedroom. Luckily for me, my blind doesn’t close all the way, so I get to watch him watch me sleep all night. About a week and a half ago, I had to go to Walmart and buy a 6 pack of Hanes, black and grey shades, because doing laundry that many times a week was painful to say the least. Since then, one more pair of the newly bought stash has disappeared, leaving me with 5 of those and my 2 original pairs.

 

(Video taken the morning of 10/19/19)

The Theory:

I don’t have any proof or evidence to back this up besides the missing underwear, but stay with me because this theory doesn’t have too many holes. About the same time as my camper guy came into the picture, one of my roommates, Tap Down Sports’ Waitstaff, left his keys in the front door lock overnight. Not a good move since our place was robbed over the summer when someone forgot to lock the door, even though two people were home. Luckily, nothing was stolen overnight, so we didn’t think much of it. However, camper guy, being the thrifty guy he is, could’ve easily stolen, had a copy made, and have the key back in the door before anyone noticed.

We discovered the keys in the front door when we had woke up and were trying to leave for class on a school day. Both of us have 8:50s most mornings, so we wake up around 8:20 and are usually leaving by 8:40. So assuming camper dude has been keeping tabs on us, which is fairly certain because he lives literally 10 yards from our home, he could’ve been at any 1 of the 3 locksmiths within 1.6 miles of our house right at 8 am, had a copy made, and had the key back in the door by 8:40. Then he could easily use that key to sneak into my room at night with nobody knowing. I’m a pretty heavy sleeper, and my bed room door doesn’t lock because its a converted dining room. My roommates wouldn’t have woken up because they didn’t even noticed the first time someone broke into the place. Lastly, since he’s living his camper, he’s probably got some money saved up from lack of bills and taxes, so he could afford to do this. Also, we had a toilet clogged on Sunday that nobody claims to have done, so maybe it was him. I think this is a pretty legitimate, reasonable, and possible theory to what’s going on with my boxers.

The Plan:

This is the easy part because this guy’s 100%, without a doubt, addicted to acquiring the underwear of others. He can’t handle himself if he knows there’s a freshly used pair of boxers just laying around waiting to be pounced on. We’ll use his own passion for the love of underwear against him. Always fight fire with fire. I’ll clean my room, set my iPad up in the corner on my mantle, and lay a nice little pile of dirty clothes will all 7 of my pairs of boxers mixed into the bunch. I’ll make sure to make a big scene about it when he’s sitting outside his camper during the day, in order to peak his interest, and confirm he’ll be entering deep into the night. When I go to sleep, I’ll turn the iPad on and let it record through the night. There’s no way all 7 pairs are present in the morning. This guy’s an animal when it comes to kidnapping undergarments. He’s the Baron of Boxers, the Czar of Compression, the King of Knickers, he wouldn’t ever miss this chance at grabbing those boxers because…his life depends on it. Now we wait for camper guy, underwear thief to make his move.

*More information will be available when known.

 

 

What’s up, I’m Jeremiah

I am a living, breathing chode, you don’t even need to ask, you know where the beef is at. Being short obviously has its setback, like women being taller than me, but I’m a godly little spoon.  So all of you are probably wondering who this sexy beast is, and he goes by the name of Jeremiah Wait.  I come from a very hick town in western Wisconsin called Colfax, that is said to be “in the middle of the equator and the north pole,” so that’s kind of a big deal as Ron Burgundy would say.  I didn’t fall into the trap of having a big truck like my fellow short brothers, because I didn’t need to compensate for anything (you know what I mean.)  Besides coming from a town where everyone knew everything about you, your family, and anything that you ever did in life, I have a twin sister (no, thank goodness she doesn’t look like me or she wouldn’t get very far in life), three older sisters that have provided me with 4 amazing nephews and 3 amazing nieces, and two loving parents that have always been there for me.  No, I didn’t sleep with my sisters like some of the other guys in hick towns around me for those of you who were wondering.  Enough of the lovey dovey stuff (definitely was for any of the ladies out there reading this), so a little more about me.  Like my partner on here Connor Wears, I also play football for the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse.  Yes, I know what everyone’s thinking, your like back-up long snapper or some crap.  No, I actually have a “real” football position, as I am a corner back.  Right now, I’m first team all conference IR, so no biggie (same thing as redshirting, except we don’t get paid in D3 so they had to come up with another name for it).  I am a huge Green Bay Packers fan, and my day literally resides on if they win or not.  I’m also a very big Wisconsin Badgers, Minnesota Timberwolves, and Minnesota Twins fan.  My hobbies include:  having my hand in my pants, watching sports (football, baseball, basketball), getting SWOL, and having a good time with friends, and hitting on girls (aka, Jill, my right hand).  Definitely a very social person, so if you’re a lady out there trying to hit me up, I don’t mind if you call me daddy, but I will NOT help you with your daddy issues.  Make sure to give the good ole Twitter handle of @mrfootballwait a follow, or my very original Instagram name of jeremiahwait, and @tapdownsports on Twitter and Instagram!

Love, Jere 😉

NFL Power Rankings: Week 5

Week 5 in the NFL Season either went one of two ways for each and every viewer out there.  There was absolutely no middle ground with some ups and some downs for fans this week, just diarrhea dumpster fires or ascents to your 72 virgins in heaven.  Everything went exactly your way and the crashing and burning never seemed to stop…just the way it’s suppose to be in football.  Fans were willing their teams to upsets like the Jets over the Jaguars, 23-20, in OT, and the Texans destruction of division rival and Super Bowl dark horse Titans, 57-14; or they were smashing the panic button for all its worth like every home in Foxboro Sunday afternoon.  Fantasy football diehards were battling in the trenches with their emotions all day after they left Deshaun Watson (33.7) on the bench for Matt Julio-less Ryan (8.9) or started Christian McCastrateMe (8.9) instead of Bilal Powell (29).  Even though NFL fans and fantasy footballers were all over the place, it was nothing, I mean nothing, compared to the bipolared reaction of the last play on Monday night football.  If you had Skins +7, I give you all the remorse I could ever have.  If you had Chiefs -7, you’re a lucky son of a bitch.  But aren’t we all lucky sons of bitches for getting to watch the NFL every week of the fall.  Now on to the power rankings.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs (4-0)

The Chiefs went into the season starting a QB on the hot seat after trading up in the draft for one, a 3rd round rookie RB from Toledo who couldn’t beat out Spencer Ware in camp, and a wide-receiver who only had true success returning and running trick plays as a rookie.  Everyone was expecting them to ride their defense until they dropped dead in the Wild Card Round of the playoffs like every year. Now Alex Smith, Kareem Hunt, and Tyreek Hill might be the best skill player trifecta in the league, and oh yeah, their defense still fucks.

2. Philadelphia Eagles (3-1)

The Eagles were responsible for this:

and this over the weekend:

Two solid Power Moves are good for spot #2.

3. Green Bay Packers (3-1)

Aaron Rodgers tossed 4 touchdowns while losing two more pieces of his offense in Devante Adam and Ty Montgomery.  Don’t matter and never will when you’re arm’s stronger and more accurate than a 15-year-old 2 years into puberty, but still one year from driving.

4. Detroit Lions (3-1)

When you go into this guy’s house, beat him 14-7 in a defensive bloodshed, and walk out tied for first place in the division, those are some real gritty power moves.

5. Buffalo Bills (3-1)

I had them 14 last week, but if you go into the defending NFC Champions home and beat them a week after upsetting the Denver Broncos, while also being a NFL analyst favorite for a 2018 top 5 draft pick at the beginning of the season, you earn a top 5 spot in a different kind of rankings.  They’ve also ended a team’s chances for a perfect season in every one of their wins.

6. Denver Broncos (3-1)

It’s almost to the point where beating the Oakland Raiders isn’t that much of a high end win anymore.  Everyone’s doing it nowadays.  It’s like pot, you do it a few times then move onto something more life and body threatening.

7. Atlanta Falcons (3-1)

#BillsMafia Forever.  So, the Bills definitely weren’t their worst loss of the weekend.  Their worst loss’ name would be Julio Jones.  Too bad they have a bye week because Matt Ryan without Julio Jones is worse than McDonald’s fries without the salt.  They would just be fries, and he would just be Matt Ryan…NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

8. Los Angeles Rams (3-1)

Just another team that most people expected to be bad, just walking into another team’s house, in this case, Jerry World itself, and shoving the football down their God damn throats.  All the talk’s about the youngest head coach in Sean McVay teaming up with the old defensive coordinator in Wade Phillips.  What about the OC?  His name’s Matt LaFleur, he’s coming off a season as the Falcons QB coach aka the MVP’s coach, and now he’s making Jared Goff look like a future star in this league.  Watch out NFL, we got a new QB whisperer in town.

9. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1)

The Steelers offense still looks amazing on paper, but they still lost to the Bears, who got dismantled by an injury ridden by Packers team (yeah I’m going to use every part of the word count I can to give the Packers more praise for the good job they’ve already done this season), and have only beat the Browns, Ravens, and a Case Keenum led Vikings team.  Just please show me something.  I have to watch you because you get the 12:00 spot on ABC every week, so please just live up to your offensive potential and soothe my eyes with your explosive offense.

10. Carolina Panthers (3-1)

I guess when you’re winning you can say anything you want, right Cam Newton?

Oh wait you can’t say anything, yogurt sponsors?

Damn Cam, you fucked up.  I wonder if he knows he’s a supporter of the RompHim.

IMG_2333.JPG

11. Minnesota Vikings (2-2)

The Vikings have only lost to two good teams, and they didn’t have their starting QB for either of them.  I want to see them back with Sammy B before I decide how good they really are.  I think the new story of their season is who can get back first?  Sam Bradford or Teddy Bridgewater?  That would be some kind of ACL shredding race.

12. Washington Redskins (2-2)

I still can’t believe Josh Doctson dropped that touchdown pass to go up 27-20 on the Chiefs with about 2 minutes left in the game.  That guy costed me a Kirk Cousins mini-autographed helmet.  I’m still in denial right now.  Whatever though, the Redskins drew a hard slip to start the year with losses against the Chiefs and Eagles, my top 2 team so right now.  They’ll start piling on the wins.

13. New England Patriots (2-2)

I don’t even want to put this this high because their defense is that BAD.  They’ve made two National Championship winning, mobile QBs look like Aaron Rodgers in the last two weeks.  Good thing there not playing one in week 5….oh shiiiiitttt.  Somehow they’ve still ended up 1-1 in nail biting games both times.  Expect another close shoot out that’ll come down to the wire on TNF.

14. Dallas Cowboys (2-2)

The Cowboys problem thus far must be their defense, besides Demarcus Lawrence’s 7.5 sacks through 4 games, because the sophomores Dak and Zeke are balling out almost every game.  It’s  looking like a wild card, 1st round exit for the boys.  Maybe they should get Wade Phillips back to lead their defense after he just helped beat them.  I don’t think Jerry can handle someone potentially having as much experience as him on the same staff though.

15. Houston Texans (2-2)

The more games Deshaun Watson plays, the better the guy gets.  He started the year as a back up to Tom Savage, and now Watson’s racking up 5 tuddys games and donating thounsands of dollars.  What can’t the guy do?  The defense is no joke, Will Fuller’s back, and I’m not sure if the Titans and Jaguars got murdered harder this weekend.

16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1)

Jameis finally looked good with a 330 plus yard and 3 TD masterpiece.  The only issue is it was against the 0-3 now 0-4 New York Giants.  TNF against the struggling Patriots will show if Tampa Bay is the real deal or if they need yet another year to make the step.  I’m guessing, as a player, having NAF bloggers like me saying you need to take one more step to be great is the most annoying thing on this Earth.  Actually, disregard everything I just wrote.  The Bucs are ready, you’ll see tonight.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2)

Rank these teams.

Lost to the Jets last week, scored 20 points the last 2 weeks, allowed 57 points to a 1-2 team, have only beat the 49ers and Colts.  What’s that, you want to rip your eyes out?  Yeah, same.  Once you get past the first half of the Power Rankings it’s a shit show, crap shoot.  I like the Jaguars the best out of those 3 teams, so they get the nod.  Plus I think Jalen Ramsey and Myles Jack are electric, and Blake Bortles really needs to decide if he’s good or not because I think he doesn’t really know.

18. Oakland Raiders (2-2)

This whole really good offense lasted about 1 week, and that was week 2 when they put up 45.  Oh, that was against the Jets?  Well, huh, jeesh.  The Raiders are crashing and burning.  Their QB is fucked, Amari Cooper will drop anything in his path, and Marshawn really is too old.  Burn the whole thing down, and start again next year with Saquon, kinda like the Cowboys did with Zeke.

19. Tennessee Titans (2-2)

You were a preaseason contender?  Now, Brandon Weeden might be you’re QB?  See Raiders, Oakland above.

20. Seattle Seahawks (2-2)

When you can only beat teams like the 49ers and Colts, and lose to teams like the Packers and Titans when they were legit, it really shows that you’re not a playoff team.  Is it finally Pete Carrol’s end in Seattle?

21. New York Jets (2-2)

I don’t know If any of you believe in karma, but I certainly do.  For example, earlier this week, I spit some gum on the grass, and 15 minutes later we had a surprise quiz in physics that I big time failed.  If you need more proof, just look up all the shit Ben McAdoo talked this offseason, then compare the Giants and Jets record, and now the only thing uglier than the Giants play is McAdoo’s stupid fucking face.

22. New Orleans Saints (2-2)

The offense is clicking, and Alvin Kamara is going to beat out Heisman trophy winner Mark Ingram and NFL great Adrian Peterson for the starting backfield duties, maybe as soon as after the bye week.  I love it.  Drew Brees has always been a check down, bomb it deep man.  The Saints are 2-0 in the last 2 weeks, they get to rest after the London game, and they’re undefeated in the division.  Not too shabby.

23. Baltimore Ravens (2-2)

The only reason the Ravens are higher in the rankings than the Cardinals is because they’ve beat the two bad teams they’ve played by more points than the Cards have.  A 20-0 win over Cincinnati and a 24-10 win over Cleveland beat the two 3 point wins the Cardinals have mustered over the 49ers and Colts.

24. Arizona Cardinals (2-2)

See Above.

25. Chicago Bears (1-3)

They beat the Pittsburgh Steelers, so they get to be the best 1-3 team.  Yay, nice job.  Now that that’s out of the way, I’m beyond excited for Mitch Trubisky to make his NFL debut against the Vikings on Monday Night Football for two reasons.  Listening to John Gruden talk about Trubisky for 3 hours will be a dream come true, and I hope he plays well, so he can kiss as many titties as possible that night.

26. Cincinnati Bengals (1-3)

Here’s another close match up for the ole Power Rankings.  Both the Bengals and Colts are 1-3, and they’ve both only beat the Browns.  I’m a wins man myself, so instead of even looking at their other games, I’m going to assume the Bengals are better because they beat the Brown by more than the field goal the Colts scraped out to win by.

27. Indianapolis Colts (1-2)

See Above.  Also, the sad thing is, I don’t really think the Colts are any better with Andrew Luck as the QB.  They’re pretty bad no matter who’s behind center in my opinion.  Andrew Luck is teetering on the edge of bust if he can’t get healthy.

28. Miami Dolphins (1-2)

I love football becuase you can make outlandish stat versus time statements, and they’re 100% true becuase they play once every week.  For instance, the Dolphins haven’t scored a point in a half a month.  I don’t think anyone can successfully coach the Dolphins by the way.  Adam Gase just yells at his players over national media and hopes it works.

29. Los Angeles Chargers (0-3)

The Chargers have lost to 3 teams that are in my top 10, and they were all relatively close games too.  I’ll just keep saying it, Philip Rivers is the unluckiest guy in the world.  There’s nothing else to it.  He had a chance with LT, and it didn’t work out.  I’m sorry man, it’s just how it is.

30. New York Giants (0-4)

See New York Jets.

31. San Francisco 49ers (0-3)

Brian Hoyer isn’t going to win you games.  I’m definitley seeing the plan in place to let John Lynch do his thing in the draft, and build this team from the bottom up.  It’s going to be a few years, but it was a good start in April when they got 3 picks to move back 1 spot.

32. Cleveland Browns (0-3)

Turns out Myles Garrett was injured.  That’s why I’ve heard nothing.  He’s suppose to play this week though, so that’s cool.  Also, the two most dynamic offensive players on the Browns are Deshonne and Duke, D and D, Double Ds…nice.

 

NEWS OF THE YEAR, NO THE DECADE, NO THE CENTURY…NO, THE MILLENNIUM.

Good Morning Ladies and Gents:

Ho.  Ly.  Fuck.  As you can see on the site, about as much shit as possible has been going down at the ole’ headquarters over the last few weeks.  Major changes have been made to the foundation of what were trying to do here on all levels from minor details to the God damn name of the company.  Guys have been grinding their asses and working around the clock to create a new brand that captures not only the personas of all us content guys, but more importantly, the personalities of you, the faithful following.  We want to give you a product that not only entertains you, allowing you to forget about all the bullshit of life for a few minutes at a time throughout the day, but a product that you can also be proud of and relate with on many different levels.

After many hours of thoughts, planning, writing, designing, and computing between us all, the Balls, Sacks, and Hard Wood brand has evolved into Tap Down Sports.  We like to think of it as the world’s premier news source for sports, drinking, gambling, and everything you probably shouldn’t be doing, but of course those are all the exact things both you and we are doing every single day.  Balls, Sacks, and Hard Wood gave us 10 amazing months of learning and experience in blogging and generating content that’s priceless and will allow us to turn Tap Down Sports into a premier sports and entertainment media brand.  Tap Down Sports gives us that easier to say, more relatable name and brand that BSHW just didn’t have.  Now that we have a brand that everyone can get behind, content will be spewed out from our laptops to your phones and screens faster than Aaron Rodgers’ TD passes against the Bears secondary, faster than a NBA player can subtweet an ex-teammate, and faster than Adam Schefter can type “per source”.  More changes and additions are still coming in the near future, so stay tuned.  Make sure to check out social media on Twitter and Instagram @tapdownsports for articles, messages, and videos.  As always, in the name of tradition…

STAY MOTHAFUCKIN HARD

-Connor