Sup Wisconsin?: What would Frank Gallagher do, set a blind person on fire or just himself?
Hey everyone. As most of you know, Tap Down Sports is a home grown, cheese lovin’, beer drinking’Wisconsin through and through blog and brand. It was started in a living room in northwest Wisconsin and spread all around the state from Eau Claire to La Crosse to Oshkosh to Green Bay and will hopefully be a household name throughout the Badger state. In order to celebrate our heritage and update everyone on the happenings of our state, I’m starting a new blog series called “Sup Wisconsin?” where I write about things that are taking place everyday. Here’s the first installment, and I hope you like it.
MADISON (WKOW) – A Madison man is charged with a felony crime after authorities say he wielded an open, gasoline can and threatened to set on fire a blind woman. 43-year old Lewis Gallagher appeared in Dane County Court Tuesday on the charge of second degree recklessly endangering safety, as a domestic abuse crime. Authorities say the blind victim called 911 Nov. 2. They say arriving officers found Gallagher with the gas can and matches at the west side Madison residence he shared with the woman, and say Gallagher set himself on fire. Court records show Officer Joshua Acker used a fire extinguisher to put out flames around Gallagher. A criminal complaint states the blind victim told investigators Gallagher told her “…he was going to ‘light me on fire.’ ” Records state she “…could immediately smell gasoline,” after the threat was made, and Gallagher told detectives he had the gas can inside their home.
There is without a single doubt it my mind that Lewis Gallagher is Shameless’ Frank Gallagher’s long lost brother who made the trip up from Chicago sometime during his life to raise hell, go on yearlong mega-benders, and fuck over everyone who gets in his way. Based on the cold hard facts of this story, including this being Frank’s brother, I’m guessing this is what went down throughout this situation. The blind ma’am is Lewis Gallagher’s Shelia, but instead of being severely paranoid, she’s blind and can’t see Lewis for the piece of shit guy he is right down to the genes that made him. I’m guessing she finally realized who the man she was living with really was and tried kicking him out of the house for good. Knowing the Gallagher blood line, Lewis was doing everything imaginable to keep his room and have a warm place to sleep at night after he dragged himself home from the bar in an alcohol induced coma, so he wasn’t giving up without a fight. However, also knowing the Gallagher ways, he picked the worst choice he could in threatening this blind woman after his sly, charming words didn’t do the trick.
Come the fuck on Lewis. She can’t see a gun; she can’t see a knife; and she can’t even see you for goodness sake, but she could sniff out that can of gasoline you were about to dump on her as soon as the idea came to your head. She was already dialing 911 when he started making threats about giving her a shower of gasoline and drying her off with a swift light of a match. He quickly abandoned that first idea, went back to his Gallagher roots, and had a new plan in a matter of minutes. Nothing screams disability checks like third degree burns to every inch of the body. So naturally he lit himself up and waited for the cops to show up. Due to the earlier phone call and the unbelievable response times of Madison police and emergency vehicles, if you need proof of their speed just ask anyone who lived on the roadside of either Witte or Sellery dorms at UW-Madison, the first responders were able to foil Lewis’ plan by extinguishing him before he qualified for the checks. Options 1 and 2 were expired for Lewis, so he had to do the last rational thing any Gallagher would do and lie to the police by saying the gasoline can’s in the house while they put out the flames that engulfed him. If the cops aren’t there to help you, just lie through your teeth about everything that happened and hope for the best.
Don’t worry, Lewis was released on bail, probably already hit a few bars, and I’m sure is making his way back home to Chicago before the police can find him.