There’s a Guy Stealing My Boxers: Part 3
I don’t have any proof or evidence to back this up besides the missing underwear, but stay with me because this theory doesn’t have too many holes. About the same time as my camper guy came into the picture, one of my roommates, Tap Down Sports’ Waitstaff, left his keys in the front door lock overnight. Not a good move since our place was robbed over the summer when someone forgot to lock the door, even though two people were home. Luckily, nothing was stolen overnight, so we didn’t think much of it. However, camper guy, being the thrifty guy he is, could’ve easily stolen, had a copy made, and have the key back in the door before anyone noticed.
We discovered the keys in the front door when we had woke up and were trying to leave for class on a school day. Both of us have 8:50s most mornings, so we wake up around 8:20 and are usually leaving by 8:40. So assuming camper dude has been keeping tabs on us, which is fairly certain because he lives literally 10 yards from our home, he could’ve been at any 1 of the 3 locksmiths within 1.6 miles of our house right at 8 am, had a copy made, and had the key back in the door by 8:40. Then he could easily use that key to sneak into my room at night with nobody knowing. I’m a pretty heavy sleeper, and my bed room door doesn’t lock because its a converted dining room. My roommates wouldn’t have woken up because they didn’t even noticed the first time someone broke into the place. Lastly, since he’s living his camper, he’s probably got some money saved up from lack of bills and taxes, so he could afford to do this. Also, we had a toilet clogged on Sunday that nobody claims to have done, so maybe it was him. I think this is a pretty legitimate, reasonable, and possible theory to what’s going on with my boxers.
This is the easy part because this guy’s 100%, without a doubt, addicted to acquiring the underwear of others. He can’t handle himself if he knows there’s a freshly used pair of boxers just laying around waiting to be pounced on. We’ll use his own passion for the love of underwear against him. Always fight fire with fire. I’ll clean my room, set my iPad up in the corner on my mantle, and lay a nice little pile of dirty clothes will all 7 of my pairs of boxers mixed into the bunch. I’ll make sure to make a big scene about it when he’s sitting outside his camper during the day, in order to peak his interest, and confirm he’ll be entering deep into the night. When I go to sleep, I’ll turn the iPad on and let it record through the night. There’s no way all 7 pairs are present in the morning. This guy’s an animal when it comes to kidnapping undergarments. He’s the Baron of Boxers, the Czar of Compression, the King of Knickers, he wouldn’t ever miss this chance at grabbing those boxers because…his life depends on it. Now we wait for camper guy, underwear thief to make his move.
*More information will be available when known.