Sunday October 15th, 2017 started out perfectly and beautiful in Wisconsin. A weeks worth of gloomy weather and precipitation had finally made its way out of the area the night before leaving sunshine, a brisk cool breeze, and the first scents of fall in the air. Most Wisconsinites were performing their normal Sunday morning routine of attending Church, going out for breakfast, or traveling to whatever venue they typically watched their beloved Packers at, while all nursing violent hangovers from the gallons of beer and liters of liquor driven into their bodies the night before in preparation to go again at whatever time the Packers played at.
However, this specific Sunday was a holiday of sorts. It was the first Vikings week of the season. The first time of the year where this violent divisional rivalry would be on full display for Packers and Vikings fans, Wisconsinites and Minnesotans, Cheese heads and Mud Ducks to talk mountains of shit and show which side of the Mississippi truly owns the other. Packers fans were oozing confidence going into the match up at 4-1 a top the NFC, coming off a last second touchdown win in Dallas, and playing a Vikings sqad without their best play maker in Stefon Diggs. Aaron Rodgers was an early favorite for MVP, Ty Montgomery was already back after an injury scare, the offensive line was fully intact for the first time all season, and Case Keenum and the Vikings didn’t stand a chance against the Packers offense. The only concern was an already weak defensive backfield being even more depleted without Morgan Burnett and Kevin King. 12:00 p.m. finally reached, all the TVs were flipped to FOX, the kickoff went for a touch back and everyone was cheering for another win.
Then the Earth came shattering down in a matter of minutes, every dumpster started on fire, a dairy farms manure pit was thrown into a wind turbine, and everything that was right in the world was immediately fucked up when this act of savagery and murder was committed by the Vikings Anthony Barr.
Barr’s hit broke Rodgers’ right collarbone, aka his throwing shoulder, aka the arm of God, and with it, most likely, also broke the Packers hopes and dreams in 2017. I’m a pretty calm guy, I don’t get worked up about too many things, unless… its sports and I’m behind the safety of social media and the internet while on my computer. So, in that case, I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.
Keep all panic buttons away from me, because I will smash them right now until they break. There’s no way I can spin this and make it ok for the Pack. You can’t lose your best player, the best player on the planet, just plug someone else in and still be good. Brett Hundley threw 3 picks, Colin Kaepernick’s suing the NFL, Tony Romo probably hasn’t moved faster than a brisk walk in over a year, and Favre…just no. Regardless of the shit show we have going at QB, a nuke basically blew up on the sideline Sunday anyway and we lost 3/5 of our O-line and legitametly everyone of our defensive backs. I haven’t even mentioned that we still have to play the Lions twice, the Steelers, Panthers, the Vikings again, and a bunch of other solid teams this season without anyone left.
I just don’t know what to do, I’m finding a panic button. Hitting the panic button, SMASHING THE PANIC BUTTON. BURN IT DOWN! BURN THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKER DOWN. START IT AGAIN NEXT YEAR… just burn it down…