I Sent the Shit Outta It On Saturday

Okay so first off, I don't condone or encourage any of the activities that follow. There now that that's out of the way it's story time kids. Lend me your eyes and let me paint a picture of the blacked out mess that was my Saturday.

Beginning with Friday. Friday I got pretty intoxicated but wasn't too bad. I was going light because Saturday we were celebrating my friend Ryan's 22nd bday (actual bday is today s/o Ryan) so I only bought an 18 pack of Busch Lights. Went to some ratchet ass house party crammed in a basement and actually called it a night pretty early.

Moving on to Saturday
8am – 1008 Cherry St. Oshkosh
I woke up with a nice little Saturday morning headache. Being the sick fucks we are, my friends and I went to get squad breakfast at some bar in downtown Slosh. It was some hipster bullshit place that didn't even have a front door. Weird I know.
9:30am – "Bar 4:30 Oshkosh"
3 of my friends ordered bloodys like a normal college kid would. My buddy Weston and I decided that it would be a good idea to skip that and go straight to the hard stuff. I got my whiskey sour and he got a captain and coke. After a couple of those, some flame ass chicken and waffles and about 35 minutes of straight Soulja Boy and uncensored DMX I was feelin myself.
10:30am – Blue Moose Gas Station
We left the bar and made an incredibly irresponsible decision to go buy a keg. There were five of us and we didn't have a plan for anyone else to come down. A keg is roughly 126 beers. I'm not a numbers guy but that doesn't add up.
11am-9pm 1008 Cherry St.
We got 3 more guys to help work on the keg. We played beer darts, smoked darts, played bags and drank. Oh did we drink.
9:30pm – Peabodys Ale House
We didn't seem that bad at this point. We finished the keg and walked to the bar. The last thing I remember for a little bit was ordering a vodka Red Bull. My buddy Nate and I took this picture "Nate and I are doin ok" yea no we fucking weren't. So up until when I say next few hours are from what others told me. Apparently Nate and I got really bad. Like can't stand and keep falling bad. We were kicked out of Peabody's and decided to walk down the street to another bar. For those of you who aren't familiar, there's a closet of a bar in downtown Oshkosh called "Distillery Pub" D-Pub for short. According to my friend Ryan, we made it "not even half a drink" until I took down a table and a chair and got us kicked outa D-Pub. Our night continued however. We took Übers to Kelly's which is a bar right off of campus. Guess who's the bouncer at Kelly's. Michael fucking Nitti. Yea you know, the guy I hired today? He was bouncing last night and witnessed this shitshow. According to Nitti, Nate started falling asleep at the bar and I was having a real hard time staying upright. Apparently the bartender helped me set up an Über to take me home. Nitti then witnessed me leave Kelly's and walk straight past my Über and walk right through a damn hurricane down the street. So since I was alone, I don't have any info from then till 12:30am. It was at 12:30am that officers found me passed out in someone's yard. I blacked back in sitting in cuffs in the back of a squad car. My first underage. Fuck. Being as intoxicated as I was I continuously yelled "Am I being detained!" And called one of the officers a "cunt" and a "fun wrecker". No you boozebag they were doing their job. Anyways, they call my parents who were up in Door County to come all the way down and pick me up.
This was at 12:57am. Just wow. Even in the state I was in I was still cruising on social media. 1. I wasn't arrested. Drunk me must've thought I was going to but it never happened.
2. The cunt thing again. Yes. Bad
3. This IS totally overdue
Anyways I got a text from my dad saying he would pay for my Über from Oshkosh to Appleton. Easy money. I'm in. Problem was, the cops weren't feelin' it. They left me in a hallway unattended with my phone. Bad idea cuz drunk me just got up and walked out the door. Just fucking got up and left. What in the hell 😂😂. So anyways I got my Über and met up with my rents back home and now all is right in the world. I have to call the courthouse tomorrow because I crumpled up my ticket and threw it at one of the officers.
Moral of the story is, I drank more than you on Saturday so suck it.

That was long,


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