Player Profiling: David Johnson, RB, Arizona Cardinals.
David Johnson should be the #1 player in every format of any league this season. Don’t try to fool yourself by thinking Lev Bell will get back on the weed to get into 2014 shape or Antonio Brown has enough time between Jena Frumes sex sessions and being a father of 4, oooh watch out LeBron, to get some extra JUGS work in time for 2017. David Johnson is the guy you want. This is how much I honestly trust him this season. If I threw a 1-day-old baby to David Johnson, had him spin, cut, stiff arm, and truck anything in his way, sprint 90 yards to the promise land, and do a front flip into the end zone, I would be perfectly comfortable putting 100 Gs down that the baby doesn’t even have a scratch let alone shakin’ baby syndrome. I’m locking him in for 1000 yards rushing and receiving, making him the 3rd in NFL history to do so, while for sure putting up 15 TDs. Again, I cannot stress this any more, in any type of format, I’m taking about as many seconds as it would take Google to find a website using the keyword porn to draft David Johnson in the 1.01 spot this year…so about 1 billionth of a second. He’s a 25-year-old, 225 pounder, 4.50 even 40 runner, who plays in a pass happy offense that keeps defenders out of the box, while also displaying some of the best hands in the league as he runs wide receiver-esque routes. There’s nothing not too like. He even said publicly that he plans on handling the ball 30 plus times a game. Even if DJ’s going out in 2017 being “last game of his career Kobe” hoping chucking up as many shots as possible makes people never forget him, he’ll easily be the number one player on 30 fucking touches per game. Don’t worry about the MCL, he’s fully healthy and ready for camp. Draft him #1 and be happy when he wins you a fantasy championship in 2017.