OJ’s parole was granted today, and it’s a Karma of Karma.
If there was two Karmas who were real people punching each other in the nuts over and over and over again, you would get OJ Simpson’s entire life. I realize that sentence is a complete mind fuck, but just hear me out.
Karma 1: Be born insanely athletic in California. Grow up as the best football player and athlete in everything you do. Go to USC, win the Heisman, and be drafted #1 overall.
Karma 2: Get drafted by the Buffalo Bills, the worst team in the league, on the opposite side of the country with exact opposite weather from your home.
Karma 1: Become the first 2,000 rusher in NFL history, a 6x Pro Bowler, 5x All-Pro, MVP, eventual Hall of Famer, and sports, culture, and worldly icon.
Karma 2: Marry a celebrity in Nicole Brown Simpson, have issues, and be arrested for her and her friend’s murder, while being the most obvious suspect in history when the police find a bloody glove behind your house, and you hold yourself at gunpoint driving down a major highway saying your going to kill yourself because you fucked up.
Karma 1: Get acquitted from the murder charges when your defense team features 3 hugely successful and famous lawyers, then help write a book titled, “If I did it.”
Karma 2: Get charged and convicted of burglary and 9 other charges for a robbery of sports memorabilia on Bruce Frumong in Las Vegas.
Karma 1: Get released on parole after serving 9 years in prison.
O.J.’ s life is a back and forth between the perfect dream and the worst nightmare that anybody could possibly imagine. Unfortunately, he’s on that good karma right now, so I can’t wait to see the next fucked up thing O.J. decides to do. Maybe he’ll figure it out, but he probably won’t. Also, #TheJuiceisLoose on Twitter. The only juice that is loose is that spunk O.J. was tossin’ on the security guard yesterday.